In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Muslim Diaries: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Asalaamu Alaikum.

I don't write this post to complain, or to get pity. I know that I am very blessed despite the things that have happened in my life this weekend. However, I think I need to get these things off my chest...

Friday was a wonderful day; I spent time with my kids at Midland Elementary School, attended AP English, and worked my butt off in Environmental Science. I went to the football game and then to bed early.

Saturday morning I cleaned up the house and went to my boyfriend's house for the day. I fell off a bike and got caught in a corn rut. I figured out I shouldn't ride a bike. Then my mom called and told me that she didn't want me to come home because she didn't think I would be safe.

I called around and found a way to stay with a friend and spent most of the day with her. I was upset about my mom, but moved on. My friend and I walked to Papa Johns to get food and walked past Subway on the our way. I was shocked to see a friend of mine at Subway, a friend who attends the church my mom makes me go to. I knew that he would realize I'm a Muslim when he saw the hijab I was wearing, and I wasn't quite ready for that confrontation.

I feel much more prepared now that I have came to terms with his reaction. He didn't come near to accepting me though, not even close at all. No, instead he aggressively told me that Allah could -blank- his inappropriate male area. I couldn't believe it, I was shaking and crying... I'm non-confrontational, and very accepting of everyone else. So, this frank and rude attack on my beliefs shook me to my core - and what a gross thing to say. I kept my cool and said, "That wasn't needed, I would never say anything like that to you", and moved on.

After that my friend Willa had to leave and my boyfriend was too busy with his band to meet me. So, I had nowhere to go. I bummed a ride to the salon my mom works at and spent two hours there before getting to come home.

The answering machine set next to me flashed with 8 new messages. The evidence of the threat that kept me from coming home last night. It's hard to feel like I'm not safe in my own home, but as a new Muslim I really don't feel safe in mine. I don't know what people are going to say to me, or do.

I like to try to bring the end of my post into an acceptance and realization that insha'Allah I can keep in mind to comfort myself in the face of adversity because I am a Muslim, but I can't do that this time. Allah has tested me this past weekend. I know He will continue to do so to bring me closer to Him. I guess I just have to find the beauty amidst adversity.

© By Nura: The Revert
Peace & respect ★
www.muslimness.com

May Allah bless you, strengthen you during Ramadan, and guide your path. Ameen.
Asalaamu Alaikum.

Tomorrow is the first day of Ramadan here in the United States (22nd August). I assume that in highly diverse areas of the country families are preparing together and Taraweeh (extra voluntary ramadan prayers) will be prayed tonight. In my little town, no one even knows what Ramadan is. I mentioned it to my mother yesterday and I think she thought that it was a Jewish Holy Month.

I won’t be able to pray Taraweeh and my hands will not be painted with henna when Eid gets here. My boyfriend said that he would celebrate with me to the best of his abilities, so I intend to buy him a present for each day. Everything is hitting me all at once honestly, and with school starting in four days, I know things are going to get harder.

Because of this I’m not fasting from food every day of Ramadan. I’m going to fast as often as I can without breaking down, but even on the days that I eat, I won’t be eating French fries, drinking soda, taking a warm shower, or checking my MySpace.

At times I feel like a fake, miserable Muslim. But then I remember that the Qur’an was revealed over a 20 years span; Allah didn’t expect Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) to change all at once. He knew that asking Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to change his whole way of life right away would be too much. Sometimes I get stressed and judge my devotion to Allah, but then I get things back in perspective and remember that He will never push me harder than I can handle.

My Advice To New Converts
If you’re thinking about converting, take things step by step. I would suggest finding a solid website or mentor who can help you. Avoid Wikipedia, since anyone can alter its content and if there are no Muslims near you find someone online. Don’t cling to the first person you find, but look until you come across someone who is living the Muslim life, who is compassionate and knows their stuff.

Order a Qur’an and other information from Why Islam.org, or even call their hotline. Find a website that will answer your questions, while backing them up with scripture. It’s really easy to be misled.

If you have converted to Islam, I really recommend you learn the five daily prayers in your own language. I still only know it in English, but it’s a big part of everyday Muslim life, so knowing it is top priority. As often as you pray in a day means it won’t take long to memorize the whole prayer either. It took me about four days. Another thing I suggest is learning some Dua`s (supplications, Arabic prayers in your own words) because I’ve found that when walking around shady parts of town I feel better if I can recite to myself,

“Oh Allah, protect me from them in whatever way You like.”

Don’t get yourself all stressed out unnecessarily. When I began learning the salah (prayer) I went to Wikipedia and only made things harder on my mentor. She had to calm me down because I thought each cycle of prayer was different! It’s not as hard and daunting as it can look, I promise.
Give it a shot. Convert whole heartedly and take things step by step. (: