As-salaam `alaykum, MUSLIMNESS writer Zahra here, The Immigrant, speaking from Canada! That is for anyone who may have even noticed I was gone. Well I'm back, and with an awesome interview that's bound to make you re-assess the Muslim marriage scene.

Let’s just call my absence maternity leave, which of course is a nice way of saying I was so strung out from lack of sleep, stressing about car seats, safety, mountains of poopy nappies and all the other fun things that go hand in hand with the first year of new life. I'm officially a Mom.

It feels like just yesterday I met my husband, and now we are certified parents. I wonder how I ever lived without my daughter. I couldn’t imagine life without her, unmarried life even. It seems like being single and childless is all a distant memory. And to think, it all started with a few key strokes, not how I ever imagined meeting my future husband.

Most people don’t actually know that me and my husband met online. Now that I think of it, a large portion of my friends met their partners online, and started families of their own. Is this the newest trend, or the beginning of what will become the norm?


Like I, Ali Ardekani, better known to millions as filmography sensation Baba Ali, met his partner online. Ali later felt a need to create a friendlier marriage service that helped single Muslims find their match. But why an internet site? How safe are internet courtships and is that what single Muslims are doing through Half Our Deen, "dating"? Ali was more than happy to answer our questions.

MUSLIMNESS: Firstly dear Ali, your matrimonial site Half Our Deen is known for its unorthodox approach to marriage and nearly 170 people have claimed to have found their other half on the site. Do you think finding a spouse online is becoming a norm?

Baba Ali: With Half Our Deen, we wanted to recreate the way people meet in person leading up to marriage. Since the typical conversations when two people meet face to face doesn't start with "how much do you weigh?" or "what is your income?", we ask questions on the site that we think are more realistic for determining qualities for marriage.

Thus, our unique questionnaire provides members with many questions on finding out more about the potential partner's personality or character. That way you can learn real things and get to know the "real" person, insha'Allah, God willing.

When I was looking for someone ten years ago, the idea of finding your future spouse online was taboo but I really didn't have much choice since I didn't find my match locally. Today, 1 out of every 4 relationships starts online, which shows you how much times have changed, even for Muslims.

MUSLIMNESS: What are the advantages to meeting a future spouse online as opposed to traditional Muslim routes - being introduced to family friends, seeking help through local mosques?

Baba Ali: I still think the best way to meet someone is through your parents. Unfortunately, many people like myself, don't like the choices that our parents have setup for us because their decisions have been influenced by culture rather than attachment to the Deen, path, of Islam.

So we set out on our own, stumbling and learning, trying to find someone compatible and we all aspire to look for their Deen first.

As far as finding people locally, most communities do not have marriage programs and it is really hard to find any "Muslim" system that actually works, in comparison to the very few that do.

For Muslims, finding your other half is far more difficult that most people think it is. We don't date, we can't get emotionally attached, so it's difficult to work out who's "the one". Just ask any single Muslim who is searching now!

MUSLIMNESS: What major disadvantage is there to finding a spouse online?

Baba Ali: Half Our Deen is open to all, our members register from across the globe. One of the biggest obstacles for new relationships is that one person, which could be either the man or the woman, will need to relocate to live with their new husband or wife. And that means starting a new life, in a new place. That can be challenging for some people who haven't left home before or prepared for the move.

MUSLIMNESS: How safe is Half Our Deen?

Baba Ali: I think there's a common misconception that the whole world will know you're "looking" online to get married when you sign up to Half Our Deen. People don't usually want everyone and their mama to know they're seeking a spouse.

I can't blame people for having second thoughts for looking online because I did as well. 

When I was trying to communicate and search, there were no "private" sites so anyone with Internet access could see my profile and that was a bit embarrassing.

See {how to sign up to HOD step by step}.

One of the things that sets Half Our Deen apart from the other sites is that we're completely private. That means only other registered members can see your profile and even then, only members of the opposite gender can see who is looking to get married. That means two sisters can be on the site and neither would ever know that the other was on Half Our Deen."

While everyone can comment on the public HOD blog posts and share questions, safety and security are the main reason that the majority of our members stay exclusively with us.

MUSLIMNESS: What do you feel is the biggest challenge in finding someone online?

Baba Ali: The biggest hurdle is trying to make sure that this person is "the one". I really dislike how some of these other Muslim matrimonials or marriage sites in general limit the questions asked to "eye color" and "hair color", because although that stuff may be important, the deep questions are never asked.

The reality is that you can't marry someone because you guys share the same "favorite color". It's more important that you ask deeper questions to see how compatible you are with each other.

This is how we made Half Our Deen unique, by making it question based. Not only does each person have the ability to take compatibility tests categorised by Deen, Family, Personality, etc, but we're the only site that allows you to post your own questions on your profile. This allows members to quickly filter out the people that don't match with you so neither side wastes any time getting connected with people they don't share interests or values with."

MUSLIMNESS: How do you think families have reacted to young single Muslims turning to marriage sites?

Baba Ali: I think each family is different. Most parents do take time in adjusting to new things and being that the Internet is still the unknown for many of our elders, parents and relatives are often worried about things they don't understand or don't have any knowledge of.

MUSLIMNESS: Many newly wedded Muslims relocate to live with the other partner and their family. Should people have to be open to moving after marriage?

Baba Ali: That's a great question. I've found that Muslim women seem to be more accepting of relocating than Muslim men. These type of questions are key during the communication precess and great to add to our poll section of Half Our Deen!

Another feature that makes Half Our Deen unique is our anonymous polls. Basically, we ask each members' group (the men and women) specific questions which they answer anonymously. The opposite gender is then able to see the answers in percentile to learn what that gender really thinks. Most of the time, the results are surprising and contrary to popular perception. We try to ask important and thought-provoking questions that people may be too shy to ask.

For those who join the site today, they can even go back to the previous polls to see how each gender answered.

I think education is key when it comes to learning about the opposite gender and the more we know, the better it is to help understand each other Insha'Allah, God willing.

MUSLIMNESS: And finally, what do you feel has made Half Our Deen popular amongst Muslims? 

Baba Ali: The only reason that Half Our Deen is successful is because of Allah (Arabic, God). Our site is packed with features but yet it's purpose is very simple.

We hit an outstanding 6 million page views on HOD this year but yet we don't advertise or spam any of our members. No text ads, banner ads, nothing. On top of that we do not charge  even half of what the other sites charge. We pay our staff who help us because we want to try to stay away from expecting Muslim to work for free (no "FREEsabeel'illah" discount at HOD).

We are trying to do things differently by keeping the site private, affordable, and by putting more money into site developments to make the experiences better for members than just collecting ads. The results? Since we launched last year, over 170 people have told us they found their other half through HOD and are happily married.

I have been invited to their wedding, met many of them in person, and have heard one success story after another. I wish I could post them to share the good news but the main reason people join HOD is because of privacy so I respect their wish to keep it that way. Alhamdulillah, (all praise belongs to Allah), Allah has made Half Our Deen successful and the entire staff, including myself, are really fortunate to be part of such an amazing project.

MUSLIMNESS: Shukran, thanks to Ali and everyone at halfourdeen.com for sharing your work and thoughts. Best of success God willing.

So for those young Muslim women and men out there looking for love -disapproving parental-like face-, I mean, halal love, don’t rule out searching online because it can be another opportunity to find what you’re looking for, regardless of your means.

Muslims have the power of dua (supplication). If your intention is pure, just remember to be open and honest and ask Allah to guide you in your search for your better half - and although for some it can feel like a long process to find the right person, Allahu `alim (Allah knows best) it will all happen in its own time.


Did you or anyone you know meet their spouse online? Would you recommend it for others? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.


More on Muslim marriage:
Movie: Change Of Heart, Exposing Muslim Marriage
Muslim Marriage Tips: The Holy Criteria
Manufacturing A Match Made In Heaven
Can I Marry Your Daughter? {comic}

So here's a random thought.

I think a lot of Muslim marriages are slapped together on this metaphorical production line. As they whizz down the line the different parts are primed and trimmed, they get their coat of spray paint and eventually they're stuck together. They mostly work, but maybe for a long time people are not sure if the end product will stand the test of time. Sometimes they only work because they have to. After a while the cheap coat of shiny spray paint peels off revealing the true colours of the constituent parts; they're not always the prettiest underneath.

Poor build quality is not uncommon, various cracks exist beneath the surface. Parts are prone to break easily and people generally lack the competency and patience to piece things back together. Few understand how to use the trouble-shooting manual that comes free with each product; it is after all in a different language.

The novelty wears out quickly and people envy the latest designs on the market. With the slightest scuff or scratch people are quick to rush to the manufacturer and too often they find their way back to the factory to find a replacement. Sometimes broken parts will be recycled but sadly, more often than not, broken pieces are quickly forgotten about.

I guess you used to find a lot of little family run production lines, each offering unique customisations, service with a smile. Increasingly there are fewer and fewer of these, instead we are seeing the dominance of more and more mass production lines.

(Still with me?)


So the picture you can see here is probably the most random image I have pulled off Google. The punch bowl on the right came off a production line, the one on the left is hand made.

I guess they both fulfil the function they're designed for, but there is a value to the handmade one that you cannot really put a price to. Painstakingly, with so much care to detail, that bowl was put together. Only the people who made the bowl (and the little cups) know its true value. There's nothing else like it. It is the imperfections that make it perfect, as opposed to the machine made bowl whose pseudo-perfection renders it worthless in comparison to the handmade.

British Muslims in their twenties are met by a plethora of challenges as they face the prospect of getting married. There are various obstacles to manoeuvre around, each compounding and intertwining with the other. The fusion of our tangled British identity with our parents Asian/Arab/African culture presents one such challenge, and this is clouded by the general confusion that surrounds the whole marriage process, and how best to approach things.

Further complicating matters is our inability to separate the (not always bad, but often skewed) Hollywood, Bollywood and Disney images and expectations of love and marriage that have been imprinted on us. We also have to be honest about the streaks of emotional immaturity and lack of wisdom and foresight that taint our relationships (men tend to be plagued by this moreso), as well as our mental fragility and deficit in our psycho-social prowess to deal with life changes in general (women lead this ever so slightly more).

Most importantly for single British Muslims, however, is the weakness of our Islamic grounding and our relative distrust with what we know to be the loftiest principles to which we should choose our partners.

I apologise for focusing on the bleaker side of things. In any case, the resolution?

With ever increasing divorce rates, prevalence of hostile domestic environments, unidentified masses of empty-shell marriages, as well as a scary rise in the number of unmarried Muslims in their late twenties and thirties, we are yet to find model solutions to the marital conundrums that afflict generations of Muslims in Britain. The issues are real and aren’t going away, and it can only be enriching to reflect upon how we each stand in relation to them.

At least on an individual level, before going about finding a partner we need to appreciate that each and every one of us are misshaped, quirky pieces with our own unique history. The conventional assembly line "marriage machines" may give the illusion of a shiny flawlessness counterpart, but know that no two pieces fit together exactly, in fact there is a third piece in this jigsaw.

The Master Craftsman in His Wisdom created us with our bumps and flaws.

But know that regardless of how misshapen you are, you can ‘fit’ into His Divine jigsaw piece; the way of the best of creation (peace and blessings upon him,) the way of al-Islam. 

I read once, that “your heart should be so close to God, that one must seek Him in order to find you.” The issues and challenges that surround getting married are plentiful and complex, but what we are charged with is to work on ourselves:

“...Truly, God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Qur'an, 13:11)

One of the surest ways of securing a fruitful and happy married life is to develop a deep and wholesome understanding and grounding in Islam, this coupled with a constant beautifying of your character.

A believer loves and is loved easily. Early 21st century psychologists explored how young men look for wives that resemble the endearing qualities of their mothers. Taking a step further we can look to the beautiful nature of the Mothers of the Believers, the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon them.) Often you will see brothers gazing into the distance, saying “I want to find my ‘Khadijah’... my `Ayesha’...” But what they fail to realise that they first must become as ‘Muhammadi’ as they can, embodying the best of men (peace and blessings be upon him,) before hoping to find such a gem of a woman. Expect your partner to be nothing but a reflection of you and your state, after all “A believer is a mirror to another believer”.

Prophetic tradition recognises the important role that beauty, attraction, wealth and family background play when choosing a life partner. But what is stressed beyond everything else is "Deen – (piety)" and "Akhlaq – (character)". We read in numerous hadith that one of the most desirable character traits in a partner is that of taqwah, God consciousness; that a pious partner is the most valuable treasure on this earth. What is interesting, however, is the mentioning of character; that decorating a secure Islamic foundation is the subtleties of one’s personality. We cannot underestimate this issue of compatibility, and this is where seeking the counsel from family and friends plays an integral role in giving an objective, detached perspective.

Rumi once wrote “if you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?” Just like the time and effort put into the handmade punch bowls, the sincere tears, the nights in prayer and the days fasting adds a unique and deep value to your persona. It’s easy in the confusion of it all to feel disconnected from Allah, but remember it is in these moments when He's inviting you to Him.

Ibn Ata'illah wrote:

"If you make intense supplication, and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire."

Remember this path we find ourselves on is a well-trodden one. After striving to better yourself, put your trust in your Creator for truly “...Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)” (Qur'an, 3:159)


By Bilal Hassam, British Muslim doctor and activist.
Bilal recently appeared on 4Thought.tv to share his Muslim views about putting the elderly in care homes.

Co-founder of The Leaf Network, Bilal chairs the Planting Seeds Forum, an innovative and ambitious initiative connecting together the best of emerging Muslim voices with the highest levels of scholarship.


More on Muslim marriage:
Muslim Marriage: Husbands, Know Your Rights
Sabr In A Marriage, EXTRA Sabr With The In-Laws
What's Love Got To Do With It?

*Warning, contains spoilers

West Dawn Media, established in 2010 by Jonathan Abdilla, has created a nugget of movie gold for Muslim audiences. Focusing on typical problems that arise within Muslim marriage, the film opens up questions surrounding what happens when two convert Muslims with not-as-Islamic backgrounds, enter into a Muslim marriage. Change of Heart was officially publicised over the summer and made viral through the West Dawn Media YouTube channel where the movie is available to watch in full.

The Plot
Change Of Heart opens with a walking conversation between a Muslim couple, Maryam and Nour. They have the kindness in their speech of a newly wed and have bonded enough to show some time has passed. They're comfortable with each other, they exude 'muslimness' in their appearance. However, there's a glitch. A glitch that turns into a nightmarish regret, particularly for the husband.

Bumping into an old friend from before he converted to Islam, Nour is told some unsavoury news by Kevin about his wife. What was a typical and acceptable dating lifestyle for the non-Muslim woman, has become a tainted background for the convert wife Maryam. "It's cool, she's changed now", says Kevin, nonchalantly. But Nour only hears "she used to get around, if you know what I mean."

At one of two confrontations, Maryam pleads, "but you knew I wasn't practising (Islam) when I was younger, why are you doing this?" And therein lies the dilemma.

The Ugly Truth
As the movie unfolds, we hear two sides to the convert argument. When a person chooses to accept Islam and become Muslim, essentially his or her background is swiped clean like a formatted hard-drive. Muslims believe past sins are forgiven by the permission of God, and a future of potential and growth awaits. But as Maryam in the movie beautifully notes to her young sister, and is the key that binds the past and present of our lives,

"You know how I say Allah is the most merciful and can forgive all sins?. Well, sometimes, even if Allah forgives a person of their sins - that sin can still affect them in this life."

The ugly truth is in trying to understand a convert's background. How much should he or she share with new founded relationships? Is it fair for a husband or wife to want to know every gritty detail about their partners' past?


And this is what Nour, the "betrayed" husband argues with his tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee friends. One friend jokes with the popular quick-fix, "look, you're having problems with one wife, so what you do is, get another wife and just try to solve it from there, right?"

As a representative of Muslim men, Nour defends his non-Muslim background against his wife. His justification? "It's not the same, it's different for guys". Different. Different how? Different where? This is the area I wanted Change Of Heart to explore deeper. What are his reasons as a Muslim to leave his wife for "her reputation"? Is it hurt, betrayal, dishonesty or all of the above?

We're given two extremes of marital expectations that exist in contemporary Muslim marriages. One is of extreme hope, the other of intense regret. After the revelation of her past the husband instantaneously leaves his wife, and yet he entered the marriage with ideals: "She's like the perfect wife, she even helps me with my deen."

Where's My Apology?
Just over 19 minutes long, there is only so much dialogue a short film can contain. I find myself mentally asking for more script during the stretched-out pauses. I'm asking for an argument between the couple, for more movement, more emotion. More.

A tipping point arrives when during the second confrontation, Maryam demands for her husband to speak about his issues. We see the heartbreak of a man who idolised his wife to the point of denying she could make a mistake. Ex-boyfriends, alcohol and a non-Muslim lifestyle is incomprehensible to this devout Muslim man who, like any other man, loves his wife for her good qualities, not her one-night stands. "It kills me to even think about it." I can sympathise.

But when faced again with his own non-Muslim past, he refutes with gender disparities. He does not even apologise, which was the climactic scene I expected in order for his redemption. I'm relieved that Maryam's character finally says what's in my head:

"How is it different for a guy? Is it different in the sight of Allah?"

A message, truly, for all Muslims. Watch Change Of Heart in full here:


Link to video {http://youtu.be/-7UJVVsIS8A}

Images:: Intellectual property of West Dawn Media ©


More for movie buffs:
Veto Films: 'Just The Face' Documentary on French Burqah Ban
Paradise Now, A Palestinian Mission
'Journey To Mecca' Documentary Of Ibn Battuta
'West Is West' - Film Review

Marriage. That one word pricks at our ears with intrigue and excitement. Yet for many young Muslims, getting married can be a arduous challenge that polarises cultural values against Islam.

Muslim entertainer Baba Ali (Ummah Films, Half Our Deen.com) presents a webinar this August with MUSLIMNESS writer Aaqib Ahmed (iPoet), on how to strike a balance between social pressure and Muslim practice.

The webinar is an ideal opportunity to ask marriage advisor Baba Ali - experienced in matrimonial life - your important questions. Although there are no guarantees to finding your ideal spouse, Ali and co-host Aaqib aim to raise awareness of the struggles in choosing a partner, dealing with family involvement and reacting appropriately to pressure.

Date: 20th August | Time: 4-6pm GMT
Speakers: Baba Ali, hosted by Aaqib Ahmed.
Register free: www.ipoetconference.com

The conference will also cover:

• How to find the right spouse the halal way
• How to keep patient with culturally minded parents
• How to avoid the fitna (tribulations) of freemixing during the summer on Facebook and offline

Link to video {http://youtu.be/CXyXymeKb4c}


This event is kindly sponsored by:
MRDF | UnDebtMe | Inquitech | I Love Jannah | Coach Amal
University of Birmingham ISOC | Dawah Solutions | University of Surrey ISOC
iMarriage | iSister | UMMUKA | I Love Mohammed | ISOC Lancaster
SISTERS Magazine | Working Muslim | Rochdale Dawah Centre
Habibi Halaqas | Half Our Deen | Nour | Sunnah Fit | Iqra 1 Billion
MUSLIMNESS | 60 Seconds | Success Muslim | iRecruit


Read more by Aaqib
England, UK

In April 2008, Ummah Welfare Trust (UWT) initiated a project to fund wedding days for people in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh who do not have the financial means to pay for a wedding. Their aim with this project is to ask for both financial donations and bridal gowns which can be sent to anyone who cannot otherwise afford a bridal dress for their big day.

Members of UWT have identified regions where assistance is most needed and Blessed Brides works closely with UWT to verify the extent of need for each case. If financial need is greater then Blessed Brides works to sell your bridal dress to specifically fund the wedding. Otherwise the bridal dress will be presented to the bride. Ultimately you will have contributed towards the completion of a successful wedding.

Furthermore Blessed Brides encourages the new bride to share the blessings and pass on dresses to others in need. In this case, your donation could be making not one, but many dreams come true!

The Messenger of Allah (sall'Allahu alayhi wa'sallam) said: "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." [al-Bukhari & Muslim]

We all have things we want. We want the perfect wedding day, the perfect dress and everything to go with it. In most cases, we are lucky to get all of those 'wants'. However, there are others who do not even have the means for a simple wedding. So why not share your blessings, and help yourself by helping others. None of us can account for spending lavish amounts for that one special day, but why not share some of the blessings that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has bestowed upon you with those that are less fortunate, instead of stowing away those thousand pound dresses for sentimental value.

The ethics and code of Blessed Brides practice comply with Islamic law. The brothers and sisters they help conduct their weddings according to the Shariah, and therefore have segregated ceremonies.

(This project is in association with Ummah Welfare Trust [UWT] a registered UK international relief and development charity (www.uwt.org). UWT aims to relieve the suffering of the poor and alleviate poverty across the world. We are fully committed to a 100% donations policy.)

Donate and share the link with others: {www.blessedbrides.co.uk}

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In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Maybe you're getting sick of hearing it from me, but at the same time, end up listening anyhow hoping to learn something fascinating you don't already know about getting married... sound familiar?

If so, I totally understand. If you've been single for some time, or have had some not so grand experiences with the opposite gender, I would guess by now you have this kind of love/hate relationship with this subject.

What I want to tell you, though, is not to give up! In my Find Your Mr. Right program, I remember a sister telling me how she was getting older (almost 30) and feeling super desperate to get married, thinking she was going to have to settle for whoever showed up next at her parent's door.

With some work, though, and specific action items on her list, alhamdulellah, within 3 weeks things had turned around completely! She had met a great brother, and their families were
also very pleased with each other. Allahu Akbar.

Another sister I worked with once who was previously married, and nearly 30, was also feeling quite depressed. She wanted to be married, and felt like it was an impossible reality at this point in her life. Again, with a few months, things turned around completley, and I got to send her my congratulations on her wedding.

I could go on and on with stories like these. Not everyone walks away married in one month flat. Most women, though, walk away with much greater clarity about who they are, what they can do better, and believe they do have choices.

And something else really important changes: their attitude!

Think about it. If you feel super negative about marriage all the time, it will get expressed to others. I've had women send me angry and nasty emails asking me why I can't just find a man for them if I am such an "expert."

My first thought is usually, "even if I did know someone, I wouldn't recommend you for them
because your attitude right now tells me a lot more about your character than your marriage resume does!

I know it's natural to get frustrated, and lose hope sometimes, but I'm here to tell you that renewing your intentions for marriage, staying positive AND being proactive in the process can change things around.

I remember a sister I knew who was so negative when someone asked her why she wasn't married yet, or when she planned to get married. She would make cold comments, and say "It's none of your business."

She was fed up of everyone and their mothers being in her personal business..... until I told her that that each of those conversations were actually opportunities in disguise. For every aunty that asked, what damage would happen if she replied, "I pray soon, as I am looking. Please let me know if you have someone in mind," leaving it off with a pleasant smile? :)

I hope you get my point!

May Allah makes things easy for you, grant you a heart that has patience, guide you in all of your affairs, and grant you the best of this dunyah and akhirah, including a righteous husband. Ameen.

Sincerely,
Megan Wyatt

Your "Finding Your Other Half" Coach
Discover Him Online.com

★ www.Muslimness.com | Share & Subscribe to the Kingdom of Muslim Blogs

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

[8] The 8th right a husband has is for his wife to breastfeed their children. This affects lineage and whom one can marry etc because of that relationship from two children who suckled from the same mother. There’s a hadith along the lines of “don’t breastfeed from a slow-witted woman”, meaning that there’s IQ involved. Even studies show that those who are breastfed have a raised IQ level. Generally the fuqaha say you can go beyond the Qur’anic guidelines of nursing for 2yrs (Qur’an, 2:233). Obviously, mothers can stop breastfeeding before this but avoid stopping in the first 3mnths. In this time period mothers produce colostrum, a very rich first milk which provides anti-bodies, essential for the baby’s health.

There are reasons for when mothers don’t have to breastfeed:

a)   A woman of high social standing. Pre-dating the establishment of Islam in jahiliyah times, women of higher status did not have to breastfeed and this practice was carried on into Shari’ah. Wealthy women do not have to – on the condition that you find a wet-nurse.

b)   Stopping breastfeeding should be by mutual consultation, both parents must agree to the time, taking the baby’s health into account.

c)    If a mother is sick and unable to fulfil the obligation she can stop. Also a woman who becomes pregnant soon after (unusual, but happens) must stop as the change in hormones makes the milk intolerant for the child, the child will refuses. Or if the milk is not abundant, it affects the mother’s health, she can stop.

During the ‘iddah period however (the waiting period of 3 menstrual cycles during reconcilable divorce), the woman is obliged to breastfeed. Note that if the divorce process is baa’in, irrevocable divorce, then the woman is not obliged to nurse the child. In fact, the ex-husband must pay her a ‘wage’ for nursing, since he’s responsible for the ‘food’ of the child. Supposing the husband dies, then she has a right to be paid from his inheritance for that suckling.

[9] The 9th right is that his wife treats his relatives with respect. Of course this is a mutual right also. Showing excellent care, preventing harm and being good is part of living as good Muslims (even if you don’t like your in-laws!) You can easily say “pfffft, oh, I’m not going to be kind if they aren’t”, but when you believe, you do things for others first, you get a reward in that, there’s a higher reason for relinquishing these things. There is a huge reward and this is how believers think. We are egocentric, but Islam transforms your understanding so you start controlling your negative impulses and develop compassion – so Allah is more compassionate to you.

[How to have extra sabr with the in-laws]

Lastly [10] The 10th right of the husband is of lineage and religion. The children should be given their father’s name and religion (Islam). There’s nothing wrong with having extra names or middles names, this is simply a haqq the father has to name his children. It could be a family name or the husband’s name. Many Muslim names are like that: Muhammad ibn Abdullah = Muhammad the son of Abdullah, Ibn Hassan = son of Hassan. Or even Hanson, Johnson = the son of John etc.

A note on illegitimate children.

If there’s some doubtful matter on the validity of a marriage, it is better to go with the lineage to give the child identity. Regarding “test tube babies” which are increasing, if the egg and sperm are from the parents (in or out of a marriage, of those conceiving), this is a valid lineage. If the egg is taken from another person, this is considered fornication and the lineage is broken. These developments raise complicated factors for our fuqaha as the roles of modern man have been usurped by women! Women are less dependent on the physical differences of men.

A child that is born outside of marriage should not be seen as "a bad seed, evil, or inheriting the sin of the parents, Muslims do not believe in that. Even in heinous crimes of rape, the mother is not accountable. In acts of fornication, there is the malevolent presence of Shaytaan; this is not to be taken lightly.

Regardless of the marital background, Sikh, Buddhist or Jewish, Islam always recognizes and validates that marriage even if it’s secular, when those two individuals enter into Islam, those children have the lineage of their father. And issues on fertility and medicine that affect paternity should be sought by a faqih, take his council for advice.

Adoption

Adoption is haram by Qur’anic prohibitions. This does not mean you cannot adopt a child legally or raise them in your house – adopting and fostering is a highly rewarding act. It means you cannot claim that child is yours and he/she cannot take your lineage.

This ends the rights of the husband. Next insha’Allah are the mutual rights. Coming soon.

By The Misanthrope  ★ www.Muslimness.com | Share & Subscribe to the Kingdom of Muslim Blogs

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم

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