Muslim Marriage: Husbands, Know Your Rights (ii)
Posted by Zaufishan marriage, marriage series, muslim family, muslimmarriage, series, top tips Sunday, September 26, 2010
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ Peace be with you السلام عليكم
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[8] The 8th right a husband has is for his wife to breastfeed their children. This affects lineage and whom one can marry etc because of that relationship from two children who suckled from the same mother. There’s a hadith along the lines of “don’t breastfeed from a slow-witted woman”, meaning that there’s IQ involved. Even studies show that those who are breastfed have a raised IQ level. Generally the fuqaha say you can go beyond the Qur’anic guidelines of nursing for 2yrs (Qur’an, 2:233). Obviously, mothers can stop breastfeeding before this but avoid stopping in the first 3mnths. In this time period mothers produce colostrum, a very rich first milk which provides anti-bodies, essential for the baby’s health.
There are reasons for when mothers don’t have to breastfeed:
a) A woman of high social standing. Pre-dating the establishment of Islam in jahiliyah times, women of higher status did not have to breastfeed and this practice was carried on into Shari’ah. Wealthy women do not have to – on the condition that you find a wet-nurse.
b) Stopping breastfeeding should be by mutual consultation, both parents must agree to the time, taking the baby’s health into account.
c) If a mother is sick and unable to fulfil the obligation she can stop. Also a woman who becomes pregnant soon after (unusual, but happens) must stop as the change in hormones makes the milk intolerant for the child, the child will refuses. Or if the milk is not abundant, it affects the mother’s health, she can stop.
During the ‘iddah period however (the waiting period of 3 menstrual cycles during reconcilable divorce), the woman is obliged to breastfeed. Note that if the divorce process is baa’in, irrevocable divorce, then the woman is not obliged to nurse the child. In fact, the ex-husband must pay her a ‘wage’ for nursing, since he’s responsible for the ‘food’ of the child. Supposing the husband dies, then she has a right to be paid from his inheritance for that suckling.
[9] The 9th right is that his wife treats his relatives with respect. Of course this is a mutual right also. Showing excellent care, preventing harm and being good is part of living as good Muslims (even if you don’t like your in-laws!) You can easily say “pfffft, oh, I’m not going to be kind if they aren’t”, but when you believe, you do things for others first, you get a reward in that, there’s a higher reason for relinquishing these things. There is a huge reward and this is how believers think. We are egocentric, but Islam transforms your understanding so you start controlling your negative impulses and develop compassion – so Allah is more compassionate to you.
Lastly [10] The 10th right of the husband is of lineage and religion. The children should be given their father’s name and religion (Islam). There’s nothing wrong with having extra names or middles names, this is simply a haqq the father has to name his children. It could be a family name or the husband’s name. Many Muslim names are like that: Muhammad ibn Abdullah = Muhammad the son of Abdullah, Ibn Hassan = son of Hassan. Or even Hanson, Johnson = the son of John etc.
A note on illegitimate children.
If there’s some doubtful matter on the validity of a marriage, it is better to go with the lineage to give the child identity. Regarding “test tube babies” which are increasing, if the egg and sperm are from the parents (in or out of a marriage, of those conceiving), this is a valid lineage. If the egg is taken from another person, this is considered fornication and the lineage is broken. These developments raise complicated factors for our fuqaha as the roles of modern man have been usurped by women! Women are less dependent on the physical differences of men.
A child that is born outside of marriage should not be seen as "a bad seed, evil, or inheriting the sin of the parents, Muslims do not believe in that. Even in heinous crimes of rape, the mother is not accountable. In acts of fornication, there is the malevolent presence of Shaytaan; this is not to be taken lightly.
Regardless of the marital background, Sikh, Buddhist or Jewish, Islam always recognizes and validates that marriage even if it’s secular, when those two individuals enter into Islam, those children have the lineage of their father. And issues on fertility and medicine that affect paternity should be sought by a faqih, take his council for advice.
Adoption
Adoption is haram by Qur’anic prohibitions. This does not mean you cannot adopt a child legally or raise them in your house – adopting and fostering is a highly rewarding act. It means you cannot claim that child is yours and he/she cannot take your lineage.
This ends the rights of the husband. Next insha’Allah are the mutual rights. Coming soon.
