When I first converted to Islam I was welcomed in the local Muslim community. A family who regularly attended the masjid requested to come to my home so I could fix the brakes on the wife’s car which I did. As a newbie to Islamic rules I was not thinking ahead and I reached out to shake the wife’s hand. Luckily the husband and wife were courteous and I learned that such physical contact is not permissible; it offends Islam's culture of boundaries. Men who choose to live a Muslim lifestyle are advised to not shake the hands of a female based upon the prophetic saying where a balanced separation was encouraged [link for reference]. Now that I understand many different regional cultures better and Islam, my aim insha'Allah is to up and move from Tennessee, USA, to a sweet place in Indonesia to teach English as a second language.

What was the cause, a misunderstanding of deep or outward culture?

This "hand-clash" was initially a misunderstanding of deep culture. Situations always have a deeper meaning than just what you “see” in front of you. The same with people; you don't know what their background was like, their attitude or challenges in life. Therefore taking the face value of behavior and actions can lead to misconceptions. Adults tend to stump with this; even children sometimes hesitate with new faces in the class or neighborhood but they learn to adapt kindly. We can learn more from children than we give credit too.

Whose culture was neglected?

The Muslim family's culture, which is the culture of Islam. My American understanding was simply waiting for an opportunity to learn about Islamic sociological ideas.

Was ethnocentrism on your part or theirs the cause?

Ethnocentrism describes the ability to evaluate other people's culture by using the standards of your own culture. In this situation when I extended my hand, I kept to the common polite culture I was brought up to, and the other Muslims kept to their accepted culture. At this point I wasn't aware of the ruling of hand shaking so we both had to 'en-culture' ourselves.

Was a solution reached?

Yes, alhamdulillah. We came to an understanding about Islam's perspective on culture and the car's brakes were fixed!

What was the lesson that was learned?

I learned that even though I made an Islamic mistake unknowingly, with the appropriate teaching I could adapt to a more socially coherent lifestyle. The Muslim couple corrected me gently, explained the Islamic cultural belief of gender mixing and I was forgiven for making the wrong gesture!

What can YOU do to prepare for the culture you're going to teach?

Just as the Prophet of Islam - Muhammad (pbuh) did, I can firstly do research. I can go to the library to obtain books on the cultural beliefs of the particular area I am going to, I want to integrate with or simply learn about. There is also a lot of information I can get on the internet, not only written information but also videos on there. As a developing Muslim I feel it is within my will power and duty to educate people from other faiths about the productive lifestyle in Islam. These are PDO's - Potential Dawah Opportunities.

Another thing I can do is see if there are any former teachers I can talk to that have taught in that area, maybe even talk to a teacher that is working there now or the local Imams. As an intelligent Muslim I will start to learn their language just as Islam encourages. This is a particularly rewarding act to 'alien' cultures who are sometimes pressured into speaking English for tourists or the governments. Deeply ultural societies feel if you took the time to learn how to talk to them in their native tongue, then you will be better able to help them learn English, about Islam or other subjects.

Consider ideas such as language, food, cultural habits, and history of any culture before attempting to 'win them over'.

How does learning about others relate dealing with cross-cultural problems?

Ethnocentrism is a cultural trap so to speak. This is the idea that "our way is the only right way", that our choices are inherently superior to everyone else. This type of confidence is haram, (forbidden, negative) for Muslims. When you face a cross-cultural problem you HAVE to keep in mind the different circumstantial culture you are in as well as your own. You have to work together with the 'other' to achieve harmony. It is difficult to do the right thing if you do not approach your work with an open mind. You are not only teaching them English, you are teaching them about your home country with your actions.

How does this relate to knowing WHO WE ARE in a world of complexities?

No one culture is totally correct but I do believe Islam has the best flexibility for 'enculturation' and social development. We all grow up with a particular mindset which sometimes tells us we are totally right in everything, that our way is the "right" way, the only way. Well this is not true, we have to be able to see beyond this concept of what is normal for us and break out of the mindset that puts us into that sense of self-satisfaction, and even the feeling of self-righteousness.

For me, as a Muslim, an American and a keen learner of cultures, this will still be difficult to do in a foreign country. Nevertheless, dealing with different cultures is vital to all of us so that we will be able to live and thrive in 'alien' places, and to be able to teach successfully in that society.