Now had I known then what I know now I would have gone right back to bed after fajr (morning prayer) in Madinah on day 2. We woke up about 3 hours later for fajr and I was alert and ready. I was downstairs and bright eyed, bushy tailed, ready for the day. Morning prayer in the Prophet’s masjid was just as tranquil as ‘isha, I loved it!

My friends knew that it was a wise idea to go back to bed, I however was still on Arizona time, and was wide-awake. So instead of sleeping like a normal person, I decided to explore the city. Bad idea. I had so much to do that day that by the end I was so in auto-pilot it is not even funny. I walked and talked to the street merchants, went into the local shops and saw all the items they had for sale. It was surreal in some way but freer.

I like to go to stores that are not a corporate owned Walmart, something that is original and real. Honestly, I was amazed that I could buy two thobes and two kufis, as well as two pairs of pants for about $20 U.S. dollars. I looked into all the small shops and restaurants, smelled all the foods and investigated whatever I wanted to, wherever curiosity took me. I felt a comfort that I hadn't felt in a long time, as if no matter where I went no harm would come to me. It was a very homely feeling to have. For those of you who have not yet gone on Umrah or Hajj, plan on spending a few days getting lost and falling in love with Madinah.

I probably walked around, had breakfast, wondered back around the city and what-have-you for a good 5 hours, and the next thing I knew it was 11am. I woke up my comrades and we got ready for our day. We had a busy day ahead of us, and so now I was starting to get tired, how wonderful right?

Our first stop was to have a VIP tour of the Prophet’s Masjid. It was like the night before, but we were taken underneath the Masjid, at an exhibit that I guess is not open to everyone. This was a shame because it was very informative and interesting.


We watched a twenty-minute video about the construction and reconstruction of the Prophet’s Masjid, as well as the various rulers who have influenced its design. This was probably the only time that I have watched a historic video I was genuinely impressed with it. I could understand why the exhibit was not open to everyone; it would be packed all day and night.


Afterwards we met up with an Imam of the masjid, one of many Imams, and I discussed Guantanamo Bay prison with him as well as my reversion to Islam. It was a pleasant talk, my first in the Middle East about GTMO, and he was very aware, smart, and articulate to the matter, which was refreshing. Perhaps he even knew more than most of the Westerners and people in the U.S. do, sadly. We had a language barrier, but my friends were there by my side to take care of the matter, and all came through very well.

Next was the site of the Battle of Uhud. A very chilling feeling came upon me. I could recall feelings in my life of panic, of terror, of loss and that "oh no" moment, and that is all I felt while we were standing there. I walked to the area where the Companions (Sahabah) were buried, and asked Allah that they be granted paradise (soon). I was sad to see that there were people peddling their merchandise right there on the battle site, but I suppose in this world, you aim to survive wherever you are.

It was also a little discerning to me to see all the trash that had just been thrown around in Madinah, as if people had no reverence for the environment or for the significance of the Uhud site and what had taken place here.

I am a very critical and cynical person, this is well known, maybe I need to work on changing that in me insha’Allah. We walked up the mountain of Uhud that the archers were told to have stood on (but didn’t). I tried in my head to envision what had taken place here, and to see the forces as they came into the valley.

The entire valley at Uhud is secured by towering mountains and rocks - rocks that would be hard on the feet of a camel or horse. This was truly a strategic way to go about the historic battle, being that it was not a welcomed battle, and still it occurred. Too bad the Muslims did gain an outright win, although in the long run we did, for Allah is the best of planners!

We then hurried back to the Prophet’s Masjid for dhuhr (midday) prayer, and just as quickly as we hurried there, we hurried off to another location that I did not know was on our travel stops. We visited the Masjid Qublatain, where the qibla direction changed in mid-prayer from Jerusalem to Makkah. This was really an interesting stop, I was just happy to have the opportunity to see something so interesting and historic.

I was wrapped up in the idea of thinking that the Prophet ﷺ and his companions had once been here. And further in my mind I thought of its distance from other locations we had been to already, and having used a car, it must have taken so much longer on horseback. I think this is when I finally started to look around me and begin to feel thankful for all the blessings that I have in my life, and the blessings that I have overlooked. This is probably when it set in, "We will never have it as hard as the sahabah had it". How many times a day we hear this but how many of us understand this, I mean really understand this? It isn't just a matter of being grateful for what we have, but we also have to realize what the earlier and the new Muslims went through, and I have found that Ibn Ishaq's "The Life of Mohammed" is probably one of the best ways to learn about our beloved Prophet ﷺ and his Companions.

I was absorbing all of this as we arrived at the mosques and the site of the Battle of the Trenches. Lucky for me one of my escorts who was a student at Al-Madinah, was also a history buff and gave me a quick refresher on what had occurred here. For those of you who are not aware of the history behind this battle, do not Google it, do not Wikipedia it, go to get a researched book. Get An Islamic history book and read up on the Battles of the Trenches. Please.

I prayed in the Masjid Al-Fath, and again that feeling of having been somewhere that the Prophet ﷺ had been came to me, and it is an amazing feeling to have. I looked over the valley from where we were, and tried to envision it without all the commerce and buildings, just the desert.

And what it must have felt like to be this humble man who was being messaged by Allah Himself, and setting the world aright. What a significant burden to have on one's shoulders, and what a blessed man he, our Prophet, was!

Why did we have Asain food? I didn't eat, I came to Saudi to see giant spiders and ride a Camel and eat lizard and such, not have Chinese food, if I wanted Chinese food I would go to California.

Next on our stop of the-day-that-never-ended, and believe me we are only half way through it as of now, was an Asian restaurant - because everyone knows that you go to Saudi for the Chinese food, not for religious pilgrimage, right…? I have a hard enough time eating once a day usually so I passed on lunch, which freed me up more time to talk with one of our guests. We discussed my book ‘Traitor’ that I have been trying to get published for years, and it seems as if it will never see the light of day, but I continue to have faith.

We spoke of my life and his life, rapped for a while about future ideas and what sounded to be good and bad projects. All in all, I think I made a great friend with this visitor at lunch. I should probably mention at this point, not everyone who was a part of my trip or involved wishes to be mentioned, so I am avoiding using names. This is not to discredit anyone or their efforts, as this whole document stands to be one great big "thank you" note for them all. It is just better to leave with anonymity. Nonetheless, it was a great lunch, and it lead to a friendship that I look forward to continuing for many years to come, insha’Allah. (By the way, the Chinese food did smell and look quite good, I just didn't want to slow myself down since this was only about 2pm in the afternoon and we were still looking to keep going until nearly 11pm that evening, I was really beginning to regret having explored all morning.)


Then it was back to the Prophet's Masjid for ‘asr (afternoon) prayer, and as quickly as we arrived, before I had finished the fourth rakat, boom, we were back in the car and off for another visit. We went to visit a doctor who specialized in the Prophet’s ﷺ life, and had quite an amazing library. We exchanged greetings of pleasantry and got down to actual discussion afterward. Again we spoke quickly of GTMO, and on to various matters; a good conversation. He was a very warm and welcoming man, and shared with me some great du`a (supplications), and facts I had not heard before, so it was nice to have some new knowledge in the ol' grey matter upstairs.

We toured his extensive library, literally an entire floor of an apartment building. I began to drool when I arrived upstairs, and wished I could read and write Arabic so badly, so as to spend months of my life up here with a 6 pack of Coke and these books. All of the wonderful knowledge contained therein that I would not be able to read, any time soon, that is.


I began to think more heavily about how dearly I wanted to go to school here, and how I wanted to live in Madinah for the rest of my life, but I was also beginning to see a repeating pattern occur. In every conversation someone would tell me how important it was that I stay in the states. I do not want to stay in the states, especially with how the U.S. harasses me when I travel, they must not want me there either. They might be willing to come to a plea bargain, where they send me to some other country to live, give me a yearly allowance, and I just never come back. Sounds plausible.

When we got back into the car that day at about 4:30pm, I was too tired to bother talking to my travel companions, so I just stared out the window as we drove around the city and tried to take in all that we visited that day. I am still trying to recall what happened from mental notes during the process. Having been sleep deprived, I will have to expand on these thoughts and the following events a little further.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3


Images: Holdbrooks ©


More by Brother Mustafa:
'Islam Is A Prison', Discuss
Islam At Guantanamo, Guardian Interview
Terry Holdbrooks: Detained By FBI

After a pretty good opening of my pilgrimage, heartfelt and sincere, I wrote this sitting at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport waiting to go to Chicago, then on to Jordan, and finally to my destination of Saudi Arabia. I honestly had no idea what to expect or feel. These were heartfelt sentiments that I expressed, these were my thoughts and intentions during Umrah.

I set out with a very unstable foundation in Islam as can happen with some reverts from time to time, no matter who they may be. I have been often reminded of my ‘muslimness’ so that every time I do feel lost, Allah will shake me up and show me He is here. How fortunate am I to have a Creator who cares so much for me, not only to guide me to the path, but also to guide me back to that path. Again and again.

My experience in Madinah, Makkah, Jeddah, and Riyadh was truly something amazing, Masha’Allah (as Allah wishes). I will try, as best as I can to recount for you the entire adventure as it happened, I took some mental notes, in my brief hours of awareness, and alertness, brief because we were so busy that I did not sleep that much.

The night in May that I arrived I was so surprised of how far away that you could see Masjid Nabawi, the Prophet’s ﷺ mosque (Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him). Literally, you could see it from 100 miles away, if not more. It was like looking at the Luxor of Las Vegas, but it wasn't full of sin. In that very moment it finally began to sink in how extraordinary Umrah was going to be.

We arrived at the customs area and the officers were a little confused as to why I had already been stamped for entry yet was just arriving. Not knowing what to do they asked me a few questions in Arabic, and wanting to have a little fun - I responded to them in Spanish. I had decided on the flight over that I was going to speak Spanish to the Arab customs’ officers the whole time, and when they got me a Spanish translator, I would start speaking English, just to shake it up a little. At any rate a supervisor came by, noticed the situation, took note of my name, and said what I can only assume to be "let him in". KSA had already approved me entry, why would customs have any issue with it?

My good friend from Canada was waiting for me just outside the door along with a friend of his who lives in Saudi Arabia, a Swedish Student of Al Madinah. They both greeted me quite nicely. We began our approach to the Prophet’s Masjid and hotel. I was hoping for our hotel to be near the Masjid, or in the heart of Madinah. I did not expect that we would stay at the Dar Al Taqwa Hotel literally one inch from the Masjid. We could walk one step out of our hotel and be on the Masjid, it was that close. How wonderful, subhan’Allah (exalted and glorified is Allah).


After we settled into our rooms, I took a few moments to shower and refresh myself. It became evident to me that everyone had been expecting my arrival had been sleeping all day, whereas I had been up for nearly a whole day at this point.


Drifting back to my experience, the first thing I thought when I saw the Prophet’s Masjid was, "Wow, this is so big". I mean, you cannot really understand how large the place is unless you have been there. Take any shopping mall you have been to in America - it is bigger. Any concert hall or sports stadium you have been to - it is bigger. This is the largest masjid I think I have ever been to, and it left me in sheer awe. I did not know what to do with myself at first, aside from take photos and just look around in wonder and amazement. I was so speechless, and that rarely happens. Do you understand what it is like to be in a place that can accommodate one million Muslims in prayer? It is huge! I was taken by how marvellous the art was, the architecture, the marble and designs, the beauty, everything. I was simply in love.

There is a peace that can be felt in Madinah that is unlike any peace felt anywhere else in the world. It was so relaxed and mellow. Calm. Everything was going to be O.K. I knew that this was where I wanted to be.

We walked around and I was given an explanation of everything that I saw for about the first hour and a half of the evening. We saw Prophet Muhammad’s ﷺ old home, and the original masjid within the current masjid. We saw where the Prophet ﷺ is resting, along with the departed Abu Bakr (ra) and `Umar (ra) on the side.


I remember the first prayer I tried to give while we were inside the masjid. My friend asked me if I wanted to give the Iqamah (second call to prayer), but I could not remember the words, at all. How many times had I uttered it in my life? I was so wrapped up and taken in with what I was surrounded by, that I could not clearly remember the call to prayer. WOW! It’s like seeing your wife or meeting her family the first time. We managed to pray ‘Isha though, and then we roamed around for a while. A representative of the Prophet’s Masjid gave us close access to the Rawda (the Prophet’s ﷺ tomb), which I had no knowledge of, and wish I had before witnessing it firsthand.

After some negotiation by officials and some waiting, we were kindly escorted ahead of many people who had been waiting, to the best place to pray of the Rawda, or any masjid for that matter. I didn't understand the significance of this event until post facto, and when that came, it sunk in that this was something very special, very rare and I was privileged.

I was content to simply have visited the Masjid, let alone see where the Prophet ﷺ is buried, as well as Abu Bakr (ra) and `Umar (ra), and where Prophet ‘Isa (Jesus) `alayhisalam will be buried when he returns. It was truly so inspiring and refreshing.

Madinah is a piece of something I cannot put to words on earth. It is probably the most tranquil place I have ever been in my life, and I hope to return there again one day, insha’Allah.

We said goodnight to the Prophet’s Masjid, and to the Prophet ﷺ. On our return to the hotel we stopped for a taste of wonderful Arabic coffee with the representative.

I journeyed upstairs step by step, and fell soundly to sleep, concluding a small part of a very long adventure for me.

Images: flickr©

Part 1 | Part 2

In May 2011, MUSLIMNESS writer Terry Holdbrooks, also known as Brother Mustafa embarked on a life altering spiritual experience - the Muslim pilgrimage called Umrah. Having VIP access to exhibits and hands-on conversations with iconic imams, Mustafa shares his unique Umrah perspective in part 1 of this exclusive series. Read on.


Wow. How lucky are you, I ask myself, nay, how blessed are you? Allah has provided for you the means to make Umrah, to see Makkah, to apply at Al-Madinah the city in person. So many Muslims all around the world may never get the opportunity in their life to do what you are about to do, let alone, do it for free. Not that money here is really the big issue, no, it’s a question of deen (lifestyle), of faith.

I was sitting there wishing for a normal life. I was wishing for a job and to blend in with society, leave Guantanamo Bay prison in the past and move on and forward. Most importantly, I was having doubts in myself, and in Islam. I had no doubts that Islam was right for me, but I did in how strongly I lived Islam. Am I “Islamic”? Can my belief stay strong? Then, in all of His wonder, Allah shakes you up in the head and He says "I am always here".

Everytime I feel that rope slipping, and everytime I feel the grip beginning to loosen, He tightens it and gives so much rope you could hang yourself. I have survived near death experiences several times now. I have lived through more than some ever will, and yet I still have the tenacity to question Islam and how strongly I feel? Allah has a purpose for everyone, He has a plan for me. But how many more proofs and signs do I need to stay “Muslim”?

And so, I was invited to Makkah.

Maybe this is something you can relate to, and maybe it isn’t. I feel, perhaps due to my lack of Ummah (Muslim community), that my deen is low, and so my faith drops. It feels as if I am putting Islam on the side, and replacing it with other matters. I spend more time in schoolwork and reading books and watching movies, instead of learning more about my faith and helping my people. My grip on the rope of faith loosens from time to time, and it takes an active believer to hold on strong.

It also takes the support of a family and an Ummah to help that believer hold on stronger. And it takes clarity of the mind and the eyes. Recently, my mind has been foggy and my grip has been slipping. Allah is truly great in His works, and guides whom He pleases. As a Muslim I believe He has a purpose for all of us, this is inarguable. Some people of this world never find Islam. Some do and give up on Islam. I have nearly lost Islam before, a few times, and Allah has brought me back, each time stronger than before.

Today I am embarking on my Umrah, the lesser of two pilgrimages but a major step for me. I am excited to see what I will be as a finished product upon my return to the United States. There are many people I will be making du`a (supplication) for, but I also intend to make du`a for all my brothers and sisters in Islam. Although I still have not really accepted that this is about to happen, but it seems that it is, I am so incredibly excited.

Previously on MUSLIMNESS, Balal Hussain spoke to Kitaba.org about struggling with being blind and becoming a Qu'ran hafidh (memoriser). Kitaba.org is the UK's only Islamic texts resource and support for visually impaired Muslims. Balal recently took a trip to Thailand and shared his sensory experiences again.

Muslim Diaries:  Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

"I had planned to go and visit my colleague Moulana Muhammad Islah for a number of years but, it just never seemed to be the right time. So, I decided to finally go and visit him in Thailand.

As this was the first time I had visited Thailand, I was worried about how much I was actually able to communicate with the people in the airport as I was going to travel alone. How much English did they speak? Would they understand me?

On the 15th of April, I flew from London Heathrow to Abu Dhabi, then to Bangkok airport, and then from Bangkok airport to Chiang Mie which is in the north of Thailand. By the time I had arrived, I was extremely tired. The first thing I’d noticed about Thailand was the heat! It was like walking from a fridge into an oven!

We had some lunch but I wasn’t hungry. All that food on the aeroplane had filled me up. But I did taste a bit of steak though and it was nice. I probably was being greedy, but then how often do you get the chance to eat steak? Especially when it is halal!

So then, after praying Dhuhr (afternoon prayer), we took the final journey to Pie. Pie is located high in the mountains in the north of Thailand. It was a three hour journey from Chiang Mie, and the road was twisty and curvy. I probably was at an advantage not being able to see as I was told if you looked to the sides, there was a big drop down! I must admit, the amount of sharp corners we took, it was surprising I didn’t feel sick. Oh, and another thing that happened whilst travelling to Pie was that someone decided to throw water on our car. When I asked what the noise was, I was told that it was the season of Songkran! A festival where water was thrown on one another.

Three hours later we had finally arrived in pie. Again, it was very warm, and in my opinion, hotter than Chiang Mie. I was very lucky as they had organised a very nice room for me that had air-conditioning so I wasn’t that affected by the heat.


The next couple of days were spent trying a lot of different foods which I had never tasted before. I probably should have been a little more careful when trying them, as one of them made me sick. But still, they were delicious. I can’t even remember all the different names, although I ate a lot of different varieties of noodles with different flavourings.

I also had the chance to go to a natural waterfall which was a great opportunity for me as I had never experienced what a natural waterfall was like. Getting to the top of the waterfall was very interesting as the path was very bumpy and dangerous at some points as there were no railings at certain points of the climb up to the top. Alhamdulillah (praise belongs to Allah), I had very good guides supporting me during my climb up and coming down. There were some points where I virtually had to sit down to be able to get down a step. Once I’d got to the top, it was amazing to feel the power of the water falling down from such a height. It was also very relaxing standing underneath where the water was falling.

I think the highlight of the holiday for me was probably the elephant ride (pictured above). Scary, but an experience that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I had to climb on this tall tower to actually be able to access the elephant as it was so tall. There was a chair tied to the elephant's back so I could sit on it. Once it started moving, the sensation was strange. The elephant didn’t move very fast, but took big strides moving slowly. It even went through water whilst I was sitting on its back. I was on the elephant for one hour, and during this time, the elephant kept on grabbing large amounts of twigs and leaves to eat. It was quite scary at times because it grabbed them with such force which made the elephant shake!

The rest of the trip was spent going to Bangkok to visit my other friend Moulana Hassan who also studied with me in South Africa. Alhamdulillah, I yet again got to taste a lot of different types of food this time from the south of Thailand where Moulana Hassan was originally from. The generosity that I experienced from the general Muslim public was overwhelming. Everyone was willing to take you out and cook for you. Whilst in Bangkok, I also had the chance to go to the theme park. They had lots of very interesting rides!

And as all good things come to an end, before I knew it, my time was up. I was on the plane, back to Bangkok, through Abu Dhabi, and back in London. As soon as I got out of the airport, I felt the immediate change in temperature.

Back home, it took me a few days to familiarise myself with the time difference, but I was back to normal within a week. Alhamdulillah, the holiday was great, and I had no regrets going. I will never forget the amount of kindness I was shown from the various people I’d met during the journey.

May Allah keep them safe and keep them happy always."

Balal Hussain
Images & text:: Kitaba.org©


More: 
I'm Blind, But A Qur'an Hafidh
Kitaba.org, For Blind Muslims
Message Of The Week - Travelling And Fasting
The Islamic Notion Of Mercy

FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS OFFSCREEN EXPEDITIONS HAVE ORGANISED EDUCATIONAL JOURNEYS BETWEEN THE ISLAMIC WORLD AND THE UK, IN ORDER TO CREATE A LEGACY OF CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING AND CREATE GENUINELY 'GLOBAL CITIZENS' OF THE FUTURE.

30 Mosques in 30 States is Aman Ali and Bassam Tariq’s Ramadan road trip across the United States.


Beginning August 11 in New York City, the two will spend each night of Ramadan at a different mosque in 30 states around the country. The two’s 12,000 mile route will essentially take them on an outline of the entire country and conclude in Dearborn, Michigan – home to one of the largest concentrations of Muslims in the country.


Muslims for the month of Ramadan are required to fast, going without food or drink from sunrise to sunset. There are an estimated 7 million Muslims living in the United States that come from a wide mix of ethnic backgrounds including African Americans, South and East Asians, Arabs and East Africans.

Each day during Ramadan, Aman Ali and Bassam Tariq will visit a different state and blog about the experience each night, highlighting stories about the people they’ve met, the mosque they prayed in and of course the tasty cuisines each place has to offer.


Day 14 of the Ramadan trip is organic and a reminder to let go of technology in reliance of the natural orders of Allah's planet, place of worship and food. Aman and Bassam headed to New Mexico, the Taha mosque in Santa Fe.


Join the guys on 30 Mosques - 30 States and follow the spiritual ride!

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Peace be with you السلام عليكم

By The Immigrant | Peace & respect ★ | www.Muslimness.com

As'salamualaikum. {Zaufishan} here, writing on behalf of our Muslimness writer Yousuf Idris Walton otherwise known as The Imam.

In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم

Asalaam alaikum wa rahmatulla.

So I am back in New Zealand!

Yesterday after nearly 40 hours of travel (including back-to-back 22 hours of flight time) I finally reached Dunedin, New Zealand [map].

I was so excited to finally see my husband and I know he felt the same. On the last 2 hour plane ride I found myself with butterflies in my tummy, I couldn't wait to finally be able to stay on solid ground.

InshaAllah there'll be no airplanes till August 2010 and that time it will be for taking my hubby to meet my family in person. An event I have to look forward to...

So the trip wasn't completely awful; Air New Zealand won me over again with their amazing service, good food and heaps of in flight movies and personal entertainment. For those of you who haven't flown over seas at such a long distance, everyone has their own display screen with head phones, a blanket, pillow, and at least for Air NZ they feed you dinner, breakfast and provide juice coffee and tea along with snacks upon request any other time during the flight at no cost to you (I sound like their spokes person), 'thank you, come again!'

Air NZ come on top probably because for the millionth time I am not impressed with Air Canada: I got suckered out of my isle seat - some guy my father's age explained he would be "getting up a lot for the washroom, blah blah blah", so I caved and was stuck in between two huge men who dominated the armrests... it was a long 6 hours of flight. Then to top it off on the meal that YOU have to purchase on Air Canada I got the only option I could consume which was a veggie sandwich which was simply bread with heaps of shredded carrot in the middle, no sauce, yuckh, was dreadfully awful.

My 9 hour lay-by in Los Angeles [map] was alright, I spent most the time using WiFi and talking with my lovely friend Naomi, she was a life saver.

So all in all my trip was good... Except when I got to Immigration... go figure. I have a Visa to be in New Zealand, it permits me to work and stay for a year. I went through the immigration office with all my legal documents.

I make a small du'a in line.

I hand the immigration officer my documents.

Immigration Officer: *looks at my visa* Do you intend to work in New Zealand?

Me: Maybe, I got the Visa in case I needed too.

Immigration officer: Are you traveling alone, and do you know anyone in New Zealand?

Me: Yes I'm alone, and I have quite a few family members and friends here including my husband and my brother.

Immigration Officer: Everything looks good, welcome back to New Zealand enjoy your stay.

Me: Thanks, good to be back. Have a wonderful day.

The immigration officer stamps my passport and I enter to go get my bags and take them through the area for declaring items and to get my bags scanned.

So I had a pack of sealed almonds I bought in LA. Not a huge pack, more medium sized and I was wondering if I should chuck it or declare it to take with... I mean, why throw away good food so I decided to 'declare it'. I also thought they were harmless almonds, it didn't cross my mind that almonds could be suspicious or interrogated...

I grabbed my bags and showed up, handed the next officers my stamped passport and landing papers and declaration form. I 'declared' the almonds.

All of a sudden I am being sent to a line no one else is in... 'What the...?' This is not the line to have your bags x-rayed, 'erm hello, there's been a mistake...'

Then I'm thrown in front of an Officer who asks about a million questions like:

What's your name? - Really? I mean it's on my passport, but anyways... More questions:

What's your date of birth?

Where are you from?

What's your husband's name?

How did you meet him?

Why did you marry a Fijian not a Canadian?

Spell out his full name

What's his date of birth?

Where will you be living?

How many family members do you have in New Zealand?

How many Family members in Canada?

Where did you live in Canada?

What are your intentions in New Zealand?

...and the list went on.

After answering all his questions he sent me to a waiting area, where I made another serious du'a and prayed they didn't send me back to Canada, and that I also don't miss my last flight from Auckland to Dunedin. Why would they send me back? I have a valid visa, they gave me the visa. They wouldn't send me back insha'Allah.

A million thoughts rushed through my mind. What if I don't get to see my husband? I'll miss my brother's wedding. Man, this air ticket cost a lot of money. Even though I was nervous I knew it would be ok, but that's not to say things wouldn't get worse before they got better.

Then a young lady approached me and had me go to an area with chairs surrounding a long metal table in a conference room. She asks me another million questions, a lot of them very personal.

Why did you leave New Zealand in the first place, why didn't you just stay here with your husband the whole time?

My grandmother has cancer, I answered, so I wanted to spend some time with her, and renew my visa.

What type of cancer? She asked.

Anyways, all in all she was nice, probably just doing her job and I admit she apologized a few times saying something about drug trafficking and this just being a "random check", and constantly saying, sorry, it's part of the job.

She tried to reassure me that it was nothing to do with me personally, even though in three international flights, I was the only one there that went in this "special line" and in terms of appearance I was indeed the only Muslim.

I signed a paper saying I had nothing else to declare besides the stupid almonds which I had been cursing for the last 20 mins. It also said I didn't intend to bring anything illegal or do anything illegal within my stay. They took everything out of my bag - which of course in the end I had to re-pack and have x-rayed before running to catch my last flight.

But I am now finally home, safe and sound alhumduillah.

We have a very small flat through my husband's work that's partially paid for, and alhumduillah it's great, but of course I could have lived in a cardboard box before I would live with his family... but that's a whole other story.

Anyways I will keep you all posted. Asalaam alaikum.

By: The Immigrant
Peace & respect ★