PDA's » Public Displays of Affection (for Muslims... *shh*)
Tuesday, December 08, 2009 Read more → Advice, marriage, relationship, sex in islam In the name of God, entirely Compassionate, especially Merciful | Peace be with you
In the name of God, compassionate & merciful بِسْمِ اللهِالرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
"Be cautious of PDA's"
No, Not the electronic device...
Asalaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,
I am confused, bewildered, more lost then a moose in a jungle.
What is so sinfully wrong with a little PDA?
When I say PDA I am not talking about the Portable Digital Assistant OR the Parenteral Drug Association. I am referring to Public Displays of Affection. It seems in the streets and neighborhoods that every Muslim married couple, is like 20-f-e-e-t-a-w-a-y from each other.
[link for PDA acronyms]
Now as a married Muslim woman, I can't figure it all out, and I am not generalizing: But why is it that every haram (morally wrong, forbidden) teen relationship and all accepted illicit relationships feel it's ok to show their affection in public - but the halal (morally right, good) married relationships won't even acknowledge each other in public with a stick? I see Muslim couples walking where either the husband leads in front and the woman hides behind or the woman dominates ahead stomping and the husband tries to keep up. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed. Your marriage, your love is not wrong. You married each other taking Allah's name. What happened to walking side by side, smiling together at stuff and I don't know... smiling at each other?!
This is why many people assume we all have arranged marriages in Islam and are forced to be in loveless relationships. From the outside, Muslim marriage seems like a religious ritual.
+-+Muslimness.jpg)
And what boggles my mind even more is the weird looks I and my husband sometimes get for holding hands, the occasional hug or peck on the cheek - and to me, that's modest PDA.
No one is telling the Muslims to make out in public; I don't wanna see people with their tongues down each other's throat as much as the next person, but why does it seem like we are all afraid to even walk near each other? We won't catch cooties, we signed a contract. See once you go public with big lewd gestures, that's when you become a corrupter of others - that's when you lose all shame and lose hayaa (modesty). Nobody in Islam ever encourages inappropriate behavior. But good, kind gestures are important for everyone's well being.
Fine, Ok - Yes, you can't always hold hands and be 'lovey duvvey' in some places, I get that, however, it's a strong characteristic in many Muslim relationships where the team has a single leader and a follower, and if they have children you will find them either in the middle, running ahead or lagging behind. A strong family unit is supposed to be made up of two leaders - each responsible for the other, themselves and their children, with different skills for different areas of life, and two followers - each one is patient, obedient and understanding of the other. This should be shown in action with families and others to show that Muslim couples are developing not centuries apart, but developing together.
Can we not be loving families outside of our homes? I really don't think hand holding is one of those super private things that no one dares to speak of. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) openly declared his love for his first wife Khadija (ra), and later wife Aisha (ra) without shyness.
I also understand everyone's comfort level is different but I have had friends that question me: "but people will look! Imagine what they will think?!"
Yeah, I can imagine what they will think... "OMG It's a MARRIED couple! SAVE YOURSELF from their PDA's!!" Oh no, that is quite scary (!) And if they don't know your married and they still want to give you funny looks and play haram police then let them, because in the eyes of Allah swt if you are married that is your right; their gossiping and looks of horror is their lack of manners.
As Muslims, let's not be afraid to express our love a little more, a little hand holding. We love our spouses, we are proud of them and loving them and being loved, is our right. Even telling the person you love them in public is not a crime; it's normal, it's healthy, it's important, and let's show the people around us that we do love each other as an Ummah (community). Remember your responsibilities before your rights, bring on that PDA ...modestly.
That is all for now, continue about your business.
Walaikum asalaam.
The Immigrant | Peace & respect ★ | www.Muslimness.com
A quick note from → Zaufishan, MUSLIMNESS creator
MUSLIMNESS.COM. Savvy Muslims in Media, trendy blogs and Good News. If you too are like, totally awesome, share your ideas by contacting MUSLIMNESS. Sharing is Khayring.
