Mughal Me Ramadan

Mine says "Live as a Traveller" and on the back there's a Scandinavian-eqsue logo of the poles. I live in oversized clothing at home. Not like the fashion police is coming to rate me, so why bother I say. -raises glass of Shloer- To living free!

In keeping with the totally royal Mughal phase I'm going through, I was deee-lighted today with the Gifts From Abroad a family member brought. I think I sat almost all night sifting through plastic foreign gunk that was meant to kh'amaze my Englishness.

It ticks me off greatly when in other countries people assume being English inevitably gives me an inherited snobbery and that I'm either a fan of queen Elizabath or I hang out at pubs with prince Harry. "Miftail, u van Britannia? You hev Ingleesh moneez? You eh hev frend preens Harrreee? Hey jij, wat is er aan de hand? Dat is Geweldig! 'ya habibi! kia baat hai! eso es excelente!" Harry lives in London. I do not. I have not met him nor do I intend to. And regardless of how 'fun' he is depicted in national tabloids (let us not go there) I doubt we'll be hanging outside the masjid together talking Ramadan and Sadaqah, know what I mean? Na'am? So messages from abroad were along the lines of 'Zaufishan is too picky to accept any of our humble gifts. We hope she is happy with this Indian bundle (junk) we have carefully labelled'. Me, picky?! Since when? So I have a certain class, a certain standard. Bite me. And the "careful" labelling on stuff reads 'Zufshan'. Awh, c'mon!

There was this one toy car I was given - you know those cheap remote control cars that are 'Made In China' and spin and rotate and light up singing some disturbing remix track? Well, I was given a yellow Transformer-Bumblebee-look'a'like car that when switched on, flashes its lights, rotates 360 degrees, lifts its bumper AND opens and closes its front doors like some freaky possessed motor. Clearly, it was not to my liking. It blasts the '90s Beverly Hills Tune too. Sad, sad... I shall have video footage of that demonic toy car for y'all tomorrow insha'Allah.

On going Mughal:
I already have the ruby red ring (in picture). I now have an arm's length of heavy gold bangles fit for a Mughal queen! I put them on to annoy everyone and pranced around in the hall singing mussed up lines from old Indian movies I watched when I was 11. And ohhhh, another shmexy delight (note: I used shmexy, that makes the use of the word 'sexy' halal) I found were pointed men's shoes! OH EM GEE. I know, men's shoes but pfft, like that matters to me. I look better in macho men's tunics and turbans anyway.

So the shoes (also in picture) are hand embroidered and gorgeous and royally and pointed at the front, again reminiscent of Mughal'ism. There was one tiny winy problem. They don't fit. They're a foreign size 7 and I'm an English size billion and I have man's feet like a Yeti. Visualise it: Zaufishan, akin to an Ugly Sister sprawled on the floor, squishing one deformed foot into an elegant and pixie sized man shoe. It wasn't working. I have resolved to either restitching the shoe to make it bigger or cutting off my heel and three toes. The blood overflow would have broken my fast though so -shrug- I'll buy more...

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Today's iftar time was fantastic alhamdulillah. A full on feast, so it was like eating a full meal after seven days.

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Another reminder here of how guilty I felt eating more than I deserved ebbed into my head. I had a headache today too even though I did eat at suhoor time - cereal (thank you Nesquik company), tea and Fox's biscuits (proper English manufactured biscuits, or cookies whatever you want to call them). A brother Ali I respect mentioned the same struggle:

"wondering how bad the disease-struck and malnourished women, children and the elderly in an African refugee camp must feel. How is it that as human beings we are so devoid of compasion and justice when it comes to others - yet laboriously spend away our days and nights demanding the same intrinsic needs from God when it comes to us?" - Subhan'Allah.

Ending with some good news insha'Allah. My aunt had baby today, wohoo! A Ramadan baby, al'hamdulillah. It was 'some' good news because I expected, nay, demanded a baby girl. We in mockery have named the gremlin looking boy Ghustaph. Say it with a Polish accent Ghoos'taph! Funny. Well, I think so... Stupid baby.

Anyway, enough rambling for today, another day insha'Allah awaits. --- I haven't cursed as much you'll be chuffed to know. Not that much anyway... I have a whiteboard with Ramadan Resolutions in the kitchen and 'somebody' listed under my name 'Swear less & Show Less Anger' Next to each there's a tally of at least 15 indicating the resolutions were broken. That was fast 1. WHAT?!

Zaufishan ★ muttering non-coherent and censored phrases under breath while biting tongue and wanting to punch something...

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