Part 1
A frequently misquoted and misunderstood verse of the Qur'an pertaining to women in particular, is verse 34 in Surah An-Nisa, The Women (4:34).
"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand." (Qur'an, 4:34) Sahih International translation
I am not wishing to strike a debate over Qur'an interpretations or what rights whomever has over another. The opening statement 'Men are in charge of women', has caused enough Muslim feminised quarrels and that is also not what I am alluding to; Allah knows He has given men roles and women theirs, if they disagree with them, que sera, sera. It is second statement from this verse that unfortunately is used as the justification for our recurring crime: domestic violence. And it is this that I am intending to reallign and correct, insha'Allah.
Too many times I have seen Muslim men justify their emotional and physical violence towards the women in their lives, with the verse 4:34. It did not sit right with me when I was a child and as an adult, I see it is still a gross violation of human security. A Muslim marriage is based on sakina, a tranquility or stillness and deep intimacy, shrouded by rights and corresponding responsibilities. A family unit extends outwards from this, so the varying relationships are balanced with compassion, happiness and boundaries. All forms of violence are forbidden in these relationships. However, discipline and punishments do exist. To teach a naughty child we take away their loves, to correct a misguided adult we shock them into humility. Humiliation and scars are not part of this Divine formula.
A quick explanation of 4:34
I am following the closest Qur'an translation on the 'net: Sahih International. Read the verse again from "But those wives from whom you fear arrogance..." to the end. This is a shari` ruling (from the Shari`ah) - a right of obedience that Muslim men have in marriage. When a wife disobeys her husband in the rights he has over her, then he is allowed to reprimand her to gain her obedience again. First he must talk to her and give nasiha (advice); if the wife is stubborn he is permitted to chastise her by giving her the cold shoulder, i.e. "I'm sleeping on the couch" (this really hurts). As a final resort, after a few nights, he is permitted to "strike her" ONCE. Yes, there is physical contact involved, keep reading below. A superior striking is by a powerful word, a shock to the system, even a threat to say 'change yourself!' as you would as a parent to shock your child (although even scare tactics in Islam are not healthy).
The Shari`ah says "strike" 100x and ONCE
The exact ruling on "striking" began way back in Islamic history during the life of Prophet Ayoub. When Ayoub (as) was tested with illness his wife used to beg Allah to cure him and Shaytaan taught her a word of disbelief to say in the form of a prayer. She told this to her her husband who became angry and vowed to strike her one hundred lashes.
A Prophet never breaks his word, so in this conflicting moment of his love and misguided anger Allah order Prophet Ayoub (as) to stick to his oath by taking one hundred thin stalks of grass (think barley), tying them together and hitting her with them, once.
{Source: T. Al-Qurtubi, Vol. 15, p. 212}
Allah commanded "And take in your hand a bundle of thin grass and strike therewith (your wife)..." (Qur'an, 38:44)
Thus we can see that are Muslim men are allowed to "strike" their wives with stalks in one swoop-like action, without striking skin. I adopt this last-resort method with intolerable children and they learn to understand I am very upset, and it's the final strike; even though there is no physical pain they do not like being punished by a light back-hand smack and rush to apologise through their grinning 'I'm sorry's".
Idrib
To get the root of the problem, the first Qur'an translations unintentionally translated the Arabic phrase "Idribuhunne" with the English "beat them". This is incorrect.
The root of this word idribuhunne is "Da Ra Ba". If you look at any Arabic dictionary you will find a fairly long list ascribed to this multi-meaning word. Below are the various meanings of da ra ba and their use in the Qur'an[i]:
§ To take away, to ignore: Qur'an, (43:5) § To condemn: Qur'an, (2:61) § To seal, to draw over: Qur'an, (18:11) § To cover: Qur'an, (24:31) § To explain: Qur'an, (13:17)
Further, the controversial Qur'an translator Laleh Bakhtiar, found that idrib could have up to 26 different meanings, and best translated as "to go away" or "to leave," not some form of "to beat."[ii]
In widespread translations of the Qur'an, by Yusuf Ali and Shakir, that phrase "beat them lightly" is used the most. Pickthall went with "scourge them" which means to whip them, needless to say creating great suffering and oppression.[iii]
While these are excellent translations and great reward goes to the translators insha'Allah, they are incorrect. Hamza Yusuf remarked in a study session,
“How can you beat someone, lightly? The hadith of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ that every man is like a shepherd is for that reason – a shepherd is compassionate and merciful. He does not beat the animals, he knows he can easily get his flock to follow his direction. Beating is haram... there should never be any physical beating. Nobody should be hit; discipline is not violence. This is a “non violent strike” – no strike that causes tissue harm, or bruises... The obedience here [for the husbands] are to do withhuquq (rights).”
Therefore the point of contention only begins when a wife refuses to fulfill a haq, right of her husband, without a valid reason. A husband can never react violently or threaten her with divorce. You can either beat someone, or not, there is no such thing as beating someone lightly to teach them a lesson.
Published on Muslims In England.com.
