Healthy Relationships

A relationship is a bond joining two people, it unites them, makes them partners and friends. A relationship is a team, and with a team comes team work.

In the time of our Prophet (s.a.w) he helped his wives with maintaining the house and teaching children. He also encouraged others to do the same. It boggles my mind how knowing this men can still deny they have any responsibility with children and chores. This in fact is a very primitive and unIslamic attitude in many senses. If a woman chooses to stay home and raise the children and maintain the house and the husband earns the income, then it is evident that the wife would indeed do more household chores and of course tend to the children full time. Dear brothers: Working outside does not mean you can shun all your responsibilities to your wife and children and your home, and yes, this means house work as well.

Check out 10 habits of effective Muslim Husbands.

In a healthy relationship there should be understanding and compassion, along with love, trust and respect.

Healthy relationships aren’t just about how the two team members interact with each other, it’s how they interact with those around them, how they live, and their lifestyle compatibility. A healthy relationship involves a lot of people; working with relatives, friends, co-workers etc.

In a healthy relationship none of these other relationships should be affected. In a healthy relationship both men and women should be able to maintain positive and healthy relationships with friends and family and co workers regardless of external factors. Segregation from these things is one of the biggest signs of an unhealthy relationship.

It’s important for people in a relationship to have a good amount of time together as well as some time apart. This does not include the time you spend at your separate jobs, in fact a healthy relationship understands the need to have both time with friends and family i.e. a girls' night out or a guys night out of course as such I mean in a positive way referring to halal male to male friendships and female to female friendships...

Separation + Disagreement = Unhealthy relationships...

An unhealthy relationship usually starts to show in the deterioration of family ties, often pulling away from one's family relations, causing arguments, not attending functions at all, avoiding conversations or meetings etc. Sometimes people do this without realization, they do this because they are either new to a relationship or fear that time spent elsewhere will hurt their partner or even worse the partner makes it obvious that do to insecurity other relationships hurt them.

Under no circumstances should a healthy relationship affect these other relationships. Relationships grow and change over time and that’s ok but they should never break all together.

This means that when you are married you obviously may not be going out every day with your friends like before, but now making time with them a few times a week, once a week, twice a month or something along those lines depending on you and the relationship, be it friend or family.

Also it’s helpful for partners to integrate in each other external relationships, for example:

If the husband has a friend who has a wife, he could always invite them both over, the wife can interact with the other wife well the two husbands enjoy their time together and vice versa. It's like Marriage Networking.

This is not mandatory and not necessary however it can help to elevate insecurity, and have some gender bonding without complete separation.

It’s also important to remember that these external relationships should not come before the main partnership. This means both partners should have ample time together and not neglect each others' responsibilities to one another.

Finally marriage should be filled with love, and lust, fun, laughter, joy and happiness. There may also be sadness and sorrow and ups and downs, but it’s important to constantly communicate, to be in touch and aware and empathise with each other’s feelings. Both must give and receive as equally as possible.

Arguing is healthy! keep that in mind, but it's how you argue and how you deal with it that defines whether it’s healthy or not. Discuss things, don’t yell or ignore, work them out. Never ever resort to name calling or bringing up past arguments or mistakes. Empathise and stay calm. Never mock or use sarcasm - this in its own is haram.

Forgive the way you would want to be forgiven, love the way you would want to be loved, and do your best not to make each other cry unless they are tears of happiness and joy.

Have fun together, laugh together! And above all else respect, love, and appreciate each other without condition.