Fasting Women vs. Fasting Men

Salah - Oh bugger, I read all but *asr salah which I read very late due to falling asleep... I woke up thinking it was Saturday. Ugh. It's not the fasting that's breaking me masha'Allah, I can admit it isn't going out as expected or hoped for, in fact not one of my best Ramadan's at all. It's the external factors. Stupid, milly, molly, debate-a-roony, frustrating 'outside' causes that have infiltrated my Ramadan Buzz and kill it off.

Iftar - More fish today, it's easier to make. I freeze small portions of meat and fish so when coming home it can be whipped out, defrosted, cooked/baked/fried (definitely not into fried foods) and eaten within the hour in time for iftar. So a fish dish, mash potato, another home-made sauce and vegetables sat happy in my belly. I like that I have tomatoes and peppers and cucumbers from my mother's gardening love, al'hamdulillah. I caught a spider today, huge one, the size of your fist. I talked to it at first, we share a love for the web. But then I realised it was male, a'ghair-mahram' (stranger) and threw it out the window.

Right then, fasting women verses fasting men. What do you mean, you ask? Is there a wrestling match going on? Men fasting with women? Are you living with, surrounded by or conforming to the lifestyles of men?! Ah, no. We, in our communities, homes and countries have an eclectic style of Ramadan siyam-ing. If you look from further away, about 1000m above the surface of land, you see the spectrum of colours our faith vibrates into outer space while embracing the:

'...Last ten days which are freedom from hell-fire' (Ibn Khuzaymah).

But if you come closer, a little more, no not that much, further, closer a bit more - THERE! you can clearly see a strong divide between Fasting Women, and Fasting Men. I get this title from the Quran verse in chapter Al-Ahzab (clans, combined forces):

"For Muslim men and women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast and show abstinence, for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise: For them has Allah prepared forgiveness and a great reward." (33:35)

During Ramadan I see men "trying more" than women, on average. It's a generalisation and from my humanly perceived experiences so do not assume I'm taking sides - "women power" and all that.

Muslim men transform more, they practise the rules of Islam more to a vigorous level and declare their love for the Beloved and THE Beloved day in and out. Tarawih salat tires them especially when the Imam recites Quran in lightning speed but still takes one and half hour to complete 20 rakat (units for prayer), but they only complain when the masjid hall fan is turned off. Work and socialising burdens them too and they yearn to return to a place of solitude to complete reciting the Quran. It's a hard man's life for them.

And then we have our fasting women, who conquer men in the Fasting Department in other grand ways. They exert so much more care into giving with sincerity, be it a slice of melon or a cupcake-lemon. Muslim women smile more from under their sleepy eyes and express more gratitude to Allah for health, food, family and provision, until someone steals the last chocolate coated date. They hold onto their "abaya's" stronger when walking and running outside, teach their friends and children Ramadan knowledge and read Quran with a passionate intensity, so beautiful it would make you weep. Tarawih salah, if performed at home, is read with intervals to ensure sleeping children are at rest, undisturbed. Studies, family life and work are second priorities to making silent dhikr, hoping to meet people's deadlines soon to return home, and embrace a form of ibadah (worship) again. It's a multi-tasking circus life for women.

Women are probably more creative too, in the 'hands on' sense. I made this masjid model template (weak, I know, it was 3am work so gimme a break) for an all girls Muslim school and they loved remodelling it, adding colour and personal touches. The boys made paper aeroplanes out of it...

Pause for a moment pretty please and answer. Is this ideal what we fasting women and men are really practising? Constantly with attention and conviction? Nah, I didn't think so either. It's a beautiful image mind you, like a former glimpse of heaven. I strive to be that Fasting Woman for at least, say, 30 minutes a day? Anything more and I'll be high. In faith, that is. To be a fasting man or woman is no mere statement. You become an insanely righteous dude and everything flows around you in perfect harmony. Until you wake up, and realise you were reciting Surah Al-Ahzab in your sleep.

There is no 'fasting woman versus fasting man'. Allah put both the masculine and feminine terms together to validate that men and women are believing and fasting on the same platform of accountability. In saying that, men do tend to "show" their Ramadan love more; it's definitely more visible. Women do increase their devotion too, albeit it's usually emotional, more psychological; they can express higher personal tasawuf (increased Divine love).

I like to keep Ramadan things balanced. I get told I'm hip for a woman, feminine on the curly edges with a Wolverine body of rage -growl-. I like superheroes, I made a cape once, covered in stars and moons and took to the streets with a matching headscarf. It's in a Facebook album, I kid you not.

I love spending time with fasting sisters who sit together preparing meals or reading Quran and laugh about how their husbands and sons trip over Ramadan accidents - they fall asleep during tarawih, they fall off chairs during suhoor, they forget what job they're doing and forget to buy the extra sack of potatoes for dinner. Fasting women are a necessity to integrating well, they are mothers, maternally in tune with people and compassion. They're great fun to be around after iftar too when they're giddy on fizzy drinks and the headscarfs "come off", know what I mean? -wink wink-

Also spending time with fasting brothers, that's a great joy to see and sometimes - very rarely - join in. Fasting men are like trying-to-be-well-behaved-boys minus the water guns, carefully groomed hair and snazzy urban outfits. They are happier, they're shoulders slouch a bit but you know in their hearts Allah's name beats faster. You can tell a man is fasting by the way his prayer hat (kufi) is tilted at an angle, he looks down when walking and stands 2m instead of the standard 1m away to avoid sharing his Ramadan Breath with you. The fasting man looks shinier, means what he says and likes man-hugging and handshaking every brother he meets. "Yo, akhi, it's thawab (rewarding) dude, gimme a'hug already before I beatchu." Koochy-coo, such brotherly love. -virtual finger hug to all-

Sometimes I feel being a woman implies I am that 'one degree' "below" the male species, and Allah knows, the brothers and certain women, like to enforce it. Then I hit my head and retort with that is not what our relationship equates to. Other times I sense superiority. A woman can plan ahead, she is naturally prepared for the worst and always makes dua' for the best and doesn't rely on others. Then I see the other light and a reminder comes in that we all rely on Allah, and then each other. We're human, from the same soul, fickle and cracked.

There never has been a woman vs. man competition, not in Islam. There never existed an 'Eve did that first' and 'no, Adam made me so it' concept in Islam, so maybe I am being duped into sensing a power-competition between fasting women and fasting men? That makes fasting harder. -sigh-

I hope whichever fasting man's reading me will reach out and support the fasting sister a bit more, she doesn't like to say it, but she likes being asked how her day went, if she needs help and wants to share her ideas. Reach out also fasting sisters of mine to the fasting brother who looks low but won't lean on anyone from a deep fear of losing bravado; tell them you'll make dua for them, take some of their burden of their shoulders and help them actualise their charitable plans.

Go on, do it already, I'm off to bed. There's another stupid spider in the room and it's suhoor very soon! Go Man-Woman-Equal-Power-status-thing!

Zaufishan ★ crouching Wolverine, hidden hijabi...