Where's My Second Wife?

I’ll start with a word of caution. I’m neither an Islamic scholar nor am I terribly interested in the matters of interpretative religiosities. Here’s something however that crossed my mind today, yesterday, and this whole week as I listened to NPR while on my way back from work.

NPR broadcasted a piece about polygamy among African American and African immigrant Muslims. I wonder if people ever go crazy thinking about who they are: Just look at the string of adjective. African, American, Muslim, immigrant, inner city dweller, etc. Anyway that’s not what I had in mind. Here’s what I wanted to say:

If you open up Al-Qur’an and turn to Surah Al-Nisa, you’ll find the following verses.

O people! be careful of (your duty to) your Lord, Who created you from a single being and created its mate of the same (kind) and spread from these two, many men and women; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, by Whom you demand one of another (your rights), and (to) the ties of relationship; surely Allah ever watches over you.

Qur’an, (4:1)

Even a person of my caliber with a feeble mind understands from the above verse that we are all to keep our duties to Allah SWT, to society, and to family and by extension to ourselves. Our duty to Allah is to worship Allah without associating any partner with Allah. To society, we are to render onto each other what we would have done onto us. We wouldn’t want to be robbed; thus, we mustn’t rob others. We wouldn’t want to be gossiped about; therefore we should not gossip about others. We should actively seek to irrigate and maintain ambitions to complete our duties toward ourselves. Though we might not speak Arabic, we should understand this much that Allah is Ever-Watchful of what we do and don't do..

And give to the orphans their property, and do not substitute worthless (things) for (their) good (ones), and do not devour their property (as an addition) to your own property; this is surely a great crime.

Quran, (4:2)

The next verse is just another extension of the previous. We must always keep justice and dignity, especially so when orphans are involved. This may come to you as a shock primarily because Muslims for some reason tend to downplay the humanistic side of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh.) Yes, he was a Prophet and a Messenger. But he was also a human being: An orphan. His father died before he was born, his mom when he was just a child. Everyone who came close to him died one after another. Imagine what kind of emotional wreck you are in when your favorite sports team doesn’t win and compare that with what you’d be feeling if you were in the Prophet’s situation. Certainly you would not think about conquering half the world and planting the seed of an empire that stretched from the Pacific to Atlantic. Since the Prophet was an orphan, and orphans are vulnerable, Allah made it a duty of Muslims to take care of orphans, to never cheat the orphans (which is prevalent almost everywhere where rule of law is not respected).

And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hand possesses; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.

Qur’an, (4:3)

Ah, yes! Everyone’s favorite verse!

If you traverse the verses of Qur’an, you’ll come across a verse in chapter 2, al-Baqarah to the effect of “kill all the infidels”. This verse is taken out of context very much and in fact translated incorrectly (infidel is not part of a Muslim’s vocabulary). Muslims defend this verse by saying that it was specific for the oppressors who began battle with the Muslim community; the word “and” connects with the verse(s) before.

Fight in the way of Allah those who fight you but do not transgress. Indeed. Allah does not like transgressors.

And kill them wherever you overtake them and expel them from wherever they have expelled you, and fitnah is worse than killing. And do not fight them at al-Masjid al- Haram until they fight you there. But if they fight you, then kill them. Such is the recompense of the disbelievers.

And if they cease, then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

Qur’an, (2:190-192)

The verses following the instruction “kill them” speaks of trying to reach agreement with enemies and fighting only as the last resort and fighting only those who have oppressed Muslims by driving Muslim out of their home.

That’s all dandy and good that Muslims understand how to contextualize controversial verses. Here’s where things get a little bit more interesting: Why then is the verse about multiple wives in Qur’an, (4:3) not thought about in the context of the previous verse? Allah says keep your duties. I’m watching you. Take care of the orphans and don’t cheat them. Naturally, if you can’t take care of the orphans as human beings, then marry one of the eligible ones or their mother so you can focus your compassion and treat them as family. If you’re capable, marry two, three, or four. Marry one if you don’t think you can be equitable to more than one.

The next few verses, which I won’t bore you with, continue with the theme of taking care of orphans. If you’re interested you can read Surah al-Nisa. For a person to marry multiple times, the second, third, or fourth wife has to be in a difficult situation. It’s sort of dishonest to have a perfectly functioning family and then waltz to marry another woman who’s not in any kind of hard situation. On the NPR show, they interviewed an African-American-Muslim family. Two wives, one husband. What was the reason for marrying the second wife who was about to graduate from university? The first wife was travelling to an Arab country for a while. The husband didn’t want to spend a few months (or was it years?) alone. Naturally, their solution was to get married again. Sweet Lord! Can we not use the Qur’an to justify our own desires?

Another interviewee married his second wife whose first husband died. He was now providing for five children and the mother who couldn’t make ends meet. Here is an example of when a person should have multiple wives. This brother didn’t marry for some random reason. He married his dead friend’s wife and he will protect her honor and her children. He will be doing exactly as Allah has commanded by creating “justice” in marriage.

I guess my point is for you and me (mostly you, really) to think about actions and intentions behind actions. How many things do you do that are really fi’sabillilah, in the way of Allah? How many of them are justified as fi’sabilillah but are really for your own self? Think on that while you join the queue for wife number 2.

Fi amanillah wa salaama.